Even Still I Will Worship

Lying in wait is one of the toughest things to do, especially when there is a possibility of negative news on the line. I was in the hospital fighting another infection and trying to find answers to everything going on in my body. My mother was with me, enjoying her cup of coffee as we discussed about the importance of one’s own name.

According to my own google sleuthing, my name, “Kelley”, is derived from “Kelly” and it means, “Bright-headed, a warrior”. I remember when I first found that out several years back, I felt like I was failing at life. I prayed to God, “Lord, I don’t feel like much of a warrior. Help me live up to my name.” At that time, I was deep into depression and an eating disorder that was taking over my life. Through God’s amazing grace, I have been freed from that. (Another story for another day).

But today was different. Warrior took on a whole new meaning. While we didn’t have answers at the time, I knew deep inside that this road I was going to be walking on wasn’t going to be easy.

From Abram to Abraham

In my personal devotions I had just been reading through the Old Testament. It struck me how many times God would change someone’s name to associate with their new identity. For example, Abram (High or exalted father) was changed to Abraham (Father of multitude/many nations) to represent God’s covenant with him to become the father of many nations. (Genesis 17) At that time it was just a promise, but it eventually came true, and his blood line represents the 12 tribes of Israel. But it’s not just the instance in the bible where names were changed, but there was countless times people were given names to represent a promise or emotion in life at birth.

The Story of Hannah

Another example, which happens to be one of my favorite biblical stories is the story of Hannah. She was barren and was constantly ridiculed for not having any children. (Back then there was a lot of shame for women who could not have children). She took her grievances to the Lord, poured out her heart, and promised to dedicate her first born to God should he bless her with a child. After she laid all her burdens at the alter, she got up, ate, and went on with her day with complete faith God heard her prayers. He did, and she bore a son, Samuel, who ended up being one of the greater prophets of the day who anointed King Saul, and King David. The meaning of the name, Samuel, is: “God has heard”. (1 Samuel 1)

The name “Hannah” means, “Grace or favor”. Which is so fitting. She may not have felt favored at the time, but God had big plans for her, her name was a part of her story, her identity. A little side note, my middle name, “Ann” is a derivative of the name of Hannah. No wonder it’s one of my favorite stories. :)

I am a warrior

And now is my time to reflect my own identity I have been bestowed. This season has been a tough one for me, filled with many challenges and things unknown. But I am a warrior. I want to honor and live up to my name. While my health was at this time still unknown, I know that through God I can conquer anything, and I will be ok!